He wouldn't have let you go charging out by yourself if he was here, I know that much. There's some part of him that always wants to be at your side, given that he was assigned at your atttendant.
... and perhaps - even more than that. Someone who always cherished your safety and happiness.
[because that's what's most important - that hak be someone who can protect yona. even when soo-won knew that a future may come that they wouldn't be at his side... that was his request.]
... I'll do my best in his place, as long as I'm here. I'm afraid I'm a pale comparison of a replacement - but I owe him at least this much.
Soo-won, you can't. [which. it hurts her to say that - he'll feel that it hurts her - even though it also makes her really, really happy to hear him say it.] You're the king. Kouka needs you.
If anything, I... should be doing my best to look after you, instead.
.... rather than making promises of who might die for each other - shouldn't we try to live together instead?
[because something feels wrong. something feels so entirely wrong at the idea of yona going out of her way to protect him. the idea of her looking after him because of his standing and his status....
he doesn't dislike anything - and yet... he feels as though he might truly hate that.]
You are the only person who knows what it means for me to be the king of Kouka here. You know how important it is for me to get back.
... but I think - you don't understand how important it is for you to return as well.
[because no matter what, no matter what his memories say, or how confusing some pieces may be -
the truth is that he never wished to see her harmed.]
[dana i swear to god if soo-won turns up dead tomorrow i'll end you.]
I like that better.
[he'll feel her relax slightly - she does, in fact, like the idea of both of them surviving much better than the idea of either of them dying. she certainly doesn't want to see him die for her sake.
...but she doesn't want to see him die, period. she doesn't want to lose him. she is so, so sick of losing people who are important to her, and if anything - you're the king so you have to live is just an appeal to logic, because you have to live because you're important to me seems like something that would get locked into the same box as whatever he felt when she almost let it slip that the doll she received looks like him.]
I want to live. I don't... I won't let anyone take my life. [she looks up at him.] But I won't let them take yours, either, if there's anything that I can do about it.
..... I don't intend on going easily either. There are still things that I must do, and I'm afraid that I can't be pulled away from Kouka until I accomplish them.
[he offers a soft smile and offers - ]
To make the country strong enough so that it won't be invaded... that's all I wish to do. That reminds me that I need to return sooner rather than later.
... but for as long as we're here, I don't intend on letting go of you so easily either.
[whether it be for hak or himself - in a way that is selfish, that wants to be next to someone who knows him as soo-won and not as his majesty....
...I always thought you would make a wonderful king.
[granted, part of that was because she just wanted soo-won at her side, but -
he's a good leader. he draws people to him, and finds ways for them to work together. he thinks about the big picture, always, and does what he can for the people who are under his care.]
And... since I left the palace, I've been able to see the ways that your leadership has been helping people. [she fiddles with the hem of her sleeves.] I don't really understand some of the things I can remember, and... I don't know what it is that I've forgotten, but...
I think if there's anyone who can make our country that strong... it's you. And I hope, when we go back, that there are things I'll be able to do to support the country, too.
[ . . . . if they're to talk about this, soo-won can't help but think - ]
... you brought the iza seeds to the Fire Tribe, didn't you? From Kai. [his voice is soft, questioning. as if it's a secret that he has to keep from others, even though the rest of his court isn't here] A crop that can grow even in difficult climates, which will allow the Fire Tribe to be able to improve its agriculture and for there to be less famine, coupled with the leadership of Lord Tae-Jun.
[ . . . there's just a soft noise of amusement, and she can feel the fondness that comes from him. the slight awe and admiration - weaker, but present still.]
During the negotiations with Li Hazara... we were able to regain that village at the border, so that they could continue to share their techniques with the Fire Tribe.
You're good friends with Lady Lili, as well. They discussed your successes at Awa to the point that it reached even my ears. I...
[ . . . ]
I do what I can from the throne - but you touch the people without it.
For what you have accomplished already... I do not want you to think that they are not already worthy of praise or notice, even if... I am not always in a position where I can acknowledge them.
[even when they are outside of this place, when the palace walls have eyes and ears, he has to pretend like he doesn't care or doesn't know.
[should she admit this? what's he going to do if he knows now - have her arrested? there's little he (or anyone) can do to her at this point, anyway; even if they were to go back immediately, he would most likely be in the palace (at a different time from her, even), and she would be...
well, she's just not going to think about the fire. it's fine.]
I've just been doing what I can. [it wasn't just her who brought back the iza seeds, and it wasn't just her who was able to get them planted in the fire tribe. tae-jun had grown, and maybe a part of it was because of the time he spent with her and her friends, but he'd ultimately been the one to take those steps himself.] And I'm glad to hear that it's been working out.
[some things she's done have been more impactful than others. her friendship with lili had grown out of a lot of danger, but the results had been mostly good. and then, in xing...]
...I've been thinking a lot about it, since I left the palace. There are things that just can't be done when you're behind those walls. And... you can't just leave to go take care of them whenever you want to, because there are people who are counting on you to be there.
[...]
If there are things I can do outside of the palace, and things that you can do inside of it... even if the path we walked to get here has been painful, it's what's best for Kouka, isn't it? This way, we've both been able to do our part to protect the kingdom we love.
[ . . . . . there's a bit of a soft smile at that as he listens to her - becomes aware of the way that she's grown since they were children. and so quickly at that. even though it seems like there were circumstances that led to it, he can't help but think....]
.... I liked the Princess Yona who would happily offer pears and fruits to try to make up for her funny demands very much. I thought that you would always try to help people if you got the chance to, and you wanted them to help you too. It was such an idyllic existence and visiting the castle always made me feel like I was entering a dream.
[ . . . ]
You - may not remember because you were so small... but in my childhood I would always go to play outside the castle walls, in the city, even though some would call it dangerous or dirty. Because of what you're saying -
There are some things that can only be accomplished on the throne. There are some things that can only be accomplished off of it.
I think that you are impressive as you are, too. Offering iza seeds and arrows instead of pears and fruits.
[and yet - there it is, a twist of selfishness. of saying things. because at the end of the day, soo-won returns to the castle where yona grew up, and she remains with her comrades and hak. neither of them find their ideals, because he doesn't doubt that she wishes she could have her home back, just as he wishes he could be with his most cherished people.
the people who saw him as soo-won, and not as king.]
.... I'm not sure if it's what is best for Kouka - I walk forward with that intention in mind, with a goal to serve the kingdom so that it can be strong enough to never be invaded.
But I think that we are simply two people doing the best that we can, with the circumstances that we have.
Those days feel like they were a really long time ago, now.
[but they weren't that long ago, were they? a handful of years isn't really that long a time, in the grand scheme of things. even compared to the length of the life she's lived so far, it's only a fraction of that time.
even so... it's hard to imagine living that way again.]
...you took me with you once, I think. I remember sneaking out and seeing the city with you.
[hak was there too but she doesn't remember that.]
General Joo-doh was really upset, but... I had fun.
[yOU ALMOST GOT KIDNAPPED, YONA.
but, anyway.]
Mm, we are. So... let's keep doing our best, together.
[not even thinking about the shocking, she holds out her hand to him, her fingers curled in except for her pinkie, which is extended.]
Let's promise that we'll both make it home from this place.
[YOU ALMOST GOT KIDNAPPED YONA but it's fine, they figured it out. once he's done bandaging her up, he looks out at the extended pinky, and manages a short, soft, breath of a laugh. he extends his own pinky out to gently curl it around yona's, accepting the shock that comes with it.
it's fine, it doesn't hurt all that badly, compared to anything else.]
Very well.
I promise.
All your injuries should be recleaned and bandaged now, so take care for the rest of the day to rest. Do you need any medicine? I got a book on it and was able to learn some, as well as from Chiron.
You ought to be careful today, wherever it is that you're staying.
[zzt! yona looks briefly surprised by the shock, but she doesn't recoil from it. it's fine.
the promise is more important, anyway.]
Mm, I'll be careful today. And I'm planning to stay here tonight, so if it turns out I do need medicine in the middle of the night [before they fall asleep, anyway] it will be close by.
[soo-won moves to rise then, adjusting his coat as he goes - before managing a small smile. he steps out of the emotionshare reach, but yona will be able to feel it toward the very end.
the near crushing feeling of heartache, guilt, and longing.]
.... no matter how important he may be - he'd choose you over me every time, Yona.
I've known that for as long as we've been friends. And so... given that he's someone I hold dear, I'd rather honor his wishes - and let him be with you.
[the effect lingers for about ten seconds - so soo-won will feel the strangest surge of jealousy, there, followed closely by a twinge of guilt and ... confusion?
why is she jealous? it doesn't feel like she's jealous over soo-won, but... she can't even remember hak.
god, this is a mess.]
...we've both already made plans for tonight, but -
Next week. We'll stay together, and the doll can stay with both of us, okay?
[there's a moment where he watches her, curious and confused over her emotions just as much as she is - but he'll answer even though his expression reads like he's confused]
... mm. Then let's do that. Blanca normally asks that I don't go anywhere alone on Thursdays - but I think he'd be happy to see you again, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dawnblushed) wrote2020-09-25 09:42 pm
no subject
He wouldn't have let you go charging out by yourself if he was here, I know that much. There's some part of him that always wants to be at your side, given that he was assigned at your atttendant.
... and perhaps - even more than that. Someone who always cherished your safety and happiness.
[because that's what's most important - that hak be someone who can protect yona. even when soo-won knew that a future may come that they wouldn't be at his side... that was his request.]
... I'll do my best in his place, as long as I'm here. I'm afraid I'm a pale comparison of a replacement - but I owe him at least this much.
no subject
[she shakes her head.]
Soo-won, you can't. [which. it hurts her to say that - he'll feel that it hurts her - even though it also makes her really, really happy to hear him say it.] You're the king. Kouka needs you.
If anything, I... should be doing my best to look after you, instead.
no subject
and yet.]
.... rather than making promises of who might die for each other - shouldn't we try to live together instead?
[because something feels wrong. something feels so entirely wrong at the idea of yona going out of her way to protect him. the idea of her looking after him because of his standing and his status....
he doesn't dislike anything - and yet... he feels as though he might truly hate that.]
You are the only person who knows what it means for me to be the king of Kouka here. You know how important it is for me to get back.
... but I think - you don't understand how important it is for you to return as well.
[because no matter what, no matter what his memories say, or how confusing some pieces may be -
the truth is that he never wished to see her harmed.]
no subject
I like that better.
[he'll feel her relax slightly - she does, in fact, like the idea of both of them surviving much better than the idea of either of them dying. she certainly doesn't want to see him die for her sake.
...but she doesn't want to see him die, period. she doesn't want to lose him. she is so, so sick of losing people who are important to her, and if anything - you're the king so you have to live is just an appeal to logic, because you have to live because you're important to me seems like something that would get locked into the same box as whatever he felt when she almost let it slip that the doll she received looks like him.]
I want to live. I don't... I won't let anyone take my life. [she looks up at him.] But I won't let them take yours, either, if there's anything that I can do about it.
no subject
..... I don't intend on going easily either. There are still things that I must do, and I'm afraid that I can't be pulled away from Kouka until I accomplish them.
[he offers a soft smile and offers - ]
To make the country strong enough so that it won't be invaded... that's all I wish to do. That reminds me that I need to return sooner rather than later.
... but for as long as we're here, I don't intend on letting go of you so easily either.
[whether it be for hak or himself - in a way that is selfish, that wants to be next to someone who knows him as soo-won and not as his majesty....
that's harder to say.]
no subject
...I always thought you would make a wonderful king.
[granted, part of that was because she just wanted soo-won at her side, but -
he's a good leader. he draws people to him, and finds ways for them to work together. he thinks about the big picture, always, and does what he can for the people who are under his care.]
And... since I left the palace, I've been able to see the ways that your leadership has been helping people. [she fiddles with the hem of her sleeves.] I don't really understand some of the things I can remember, and... I don't know what it is that I've forgotten, but...
I think if there's anyone who can make our country that strong... it's you. And I hope, when we go back, that there are things I'll be able to do to support the country, too.
no subject
... you brought the iza seeds to the Fire Tribe, didn't you? From Kai. [his voice is soft, questioning. as if it's a secret that he has to keep from others, even though the rest of his court isn't here] A crop that can grow even in difficult climates, which will allow the Fire Tribe to be able to improve its agriculture and for there to be less famine, coupled with the leadership of Lord Tae-Jun.
[ . . . there's just a soft noise of amusement, and she can feel the fondness that comes from him. the slight awe and admiration - weaker, but present still.]
During the negotiations with Li Hazara... we were able to regain that village at the border, so that they could continue to share their techniques with the Fire Tribe.
You're good friends with Lady Lili, as well. They discussed your successes at Awa to the point that it reached even my ears. I...
[ . . . ]
I do what I can from the throne - but you touch the people without it.
For what you have accomplished already... I do not want you to think that they are not already worthy of praise or notice, even if... I am not always in a position where I can acknowledge them.
[even when they are outside of this place, when the palace walls have eyes and ears, he has to pretend like he doesn't care or doesn't know.
when the truth is everything but.]
no subject
well, she's just not going to think about the fire. it's fine.]
I've just been doing what I can. [it wasn't just her who brought back the iza seeds, and it wasn't just her who was able to get them planted in the fire tribe. tae-jun had grown, and maybe a part of it was because of the time he spent with her and her friends, but he'd ultimately been the one to take those steps himself.] And I'm glad to hear that it's been working out.
[some things she's done have been more impactful than others. her friendship with lili had grown out of a lot of danger, but the results had been mostly good. and then, in xing...]
...I've been thinking a lot about it, since I left the palace. There are things that just can't be done when you're behind those walls. And... you can't just leave to go take care of them whenever you want to, because there are people who are counting on you to be there.
[...]
If there are things I can do outside of the palace, and things that you can do inside of it... even if the path we walked to get here has been painful, it's what's best for Kouka, isn't it? This way, we've both been able to do our part to protect the kingdom we love.
no subject
.... I liked the Princess Yona who would happily offer pears and fruits to try to make up for her funny demands very much. I thought that you would always try to help people if you got the chance to, and you wanted them to help you too. It was such an idyllic existence and visiting the castle always made me feel like I was entering a dream.
[ . . . ]
You - may not remember because you were so small... but in my childhood I would always go to play outside the castle walls, in the city, even though some would call it dangerous or dirty. Because of what you're saying -
There are some things that can only be accomplished on the throne. There are some things that can only be accomplished off of it.
I think that you are impressive as you are, too. Offering iza seeds and arrows instead of pears and fruits.
[and yet - there it is, a twist of selfishness. of saying things. because at the end of the day, soo-won returns to the castle where yona grew up, and she remains with her comrades and hak. neither of them find their ideals, because he doesn't doubt that she wishes she could have her home back, just as he wishes he could be with his most cherished people.
the people who saw him as soo-won, and not as king.]
.... I'm not sure if it's what is best for Kouka - I walk forward with that intention in mind, with a goal to serve the kingdom so that it can be strong enough to never be invaded.
But I think that we are simply two people doing the best that we can, with the circumstances that we have.
[and that is their humanity.
not their divine right.]
no subject
[but they weren't that long ago, were they? a handful of years isn't really that long a time, in the grand scheme of things. even compared to the length of the life she's lived so far, it's only a fraction of that time.
even so... it's hard to imagine living that way again.]
...you took me with you once, I think. I remember sneaking out and seeing the city with you.
[hak was there too but she doesn't remember that.]
General Joo-doh was really upset, but... I had fun.
[yOU ALMOST GOT KIDNAPPED, YONA.
but, anyway.]
Mm, we are. So... let's keep doing our best, together.
[not even thinking about the shocking, she holds out her hand to him, her fingers curled in except for her pinkie, which is extended.]
Let's promise that we'll both make it home from this place.
no subject
it's fine, it doesn't hurt all that badly, compared to anything else.]
Very well.
I promise.
All your injuries should be recleaned and bandaged now, so take care for the rest of the day to rest. Do you need any medicine? I got a book on it and was able to learn some, as well as from Chiron.
You ought to be careful today, wherever it is that you're staying.
no subject
the promise is more important, anyway.]
Mm, I'll be careful today. And I'm planning to stay here tonight, so if it turns out I do need medicine in the middle of the night [before they fall asleep, anyway] it will be close by.
...you'll be careful too, right?
no subject
I'll be headed out to the fort - with a few people. Not as many as last time, hopefully, but I won't be alone either.
[so that way yona knows that he's not being super reckless]
Will anyone else be here with you?
no subject
[he's hak-coded, so.]
And I'm going to make sure my roommate isn't alone, eiter.
no subject
Mm, that's good then. Then... wait here - and I'll be right back. I'll get the doll for you so you can hold onto it tonight.
Then let's meet again early tomorrow, alright?
no subject
no subject
she can't remember hak. but soo-won can, and -]
...he's important to you, isn't he? It doesn't seem fair that I'm... taking that doll from you, when having him here would bring you comfort, too.
no subject
the near crushing feeling of heartache, guilt, and longing.]
.... no matter how important he may be - he'd choose you over me every time, Yona.
I've known that for as long as we've been friends. And so... given that he's someone I hold dear, I'd rather honor his wishes - and let him be with you.
no subject
why is she jealous? it doesn't feel like she's jealous over soo-won, but... she can't even remember hak.
god, this is a mess.]
...we've both already made plans for tonight, but -
Next week. We'll stay together, and the doll can stay with both of us, okay?
no subject
... mm. Then let's do that. Blanca normally asks that I don't go anywhere alone on Thursdays - but I think he'd be happy to see you again, too.
Maybe we can all have tea.
no subject
I'd like that! Blanca is a wonderful person... I'm glad to hear he's been looking out for you.
no subject
But I like him very much, too. Let's do that next week then - Zuko can still come along if he'd like, too.
no subject
[blanca is a good dad tbh]
Okay! I'll see if he'd like to come.