I already told you, it would be strange to go back to not talking. I don't want that.
[it had been - easier, before, to not want to be with him.
when she wasn't seeing him so often, and all she had was her memories of him and her memories of what he did - it was so much easier to not miss him. but when he's here, when she sees him so often... when she's had so many chances to see him at his best, when they both didn't remember what he'd done -
it's so much harder.]
It might not be your place to suggest it, but if that's the case, it's not your place to decide you have to stay out of it, either. That should be my decision, shouldn't it?
the issue is: soo-won has had this conversation a few times here. around different topics, but with an awareness that he had made a choice in his life that put him and yona apart. that it was not his place to seek forgiveness, when he is the one who made everything go wrong. and yet it was posited to him - if yona were to insist on reconciliation, what would he do?
it's not his place to deny her that either.
but there is something genuinely - perplexed, wistful, almost uncertain whether or not he wants to hope.]
.... very well.
[even if it'll be more complicated when they go back to kouka, when he will be a king with responsibilities that will take him further away from her, but here....]
But if I may -
Why?
[why does she still wish to associate with him, even after knowing fully well what he's done?]
it's a simple enough question, isn't it? it should be simple to answer. you're important to me. that's true, no matter how complicated circumstances are between them. but it's those exact complications that keep her from just saying so.
why?
why can't she just hate him? wouldn't that be easier?]
...I don't know.
[...]
All I know is that... what happened... it hurt. Losing my father hurt, and... The thought of losing you hurts the same way.
Even if it's just for a short time, I don't want to lose you.
it was easier for him to understand when hak flew at him in a blind rage, seeking his head. it was easier for him to understand when the dragons in yona's care acted defensively, scorning him by default. it was simple when yona's hand reached for the sword at soo-won's hip, wanting to take his life.
isn't it so much more painful, to still care for the person who causes you pain?
(isn't that something he knows intimately? after years of facing il's coldness, but still unable to hate the man.)
but if that's what yona wants - ]
... then if that's what you desire -
[because it's what he wants to, what he so selfishly wants, what he has no right to admit to, is perhaps too vulnerable to put words to]
and then, almost immediately, guilt surges through her. who is she betraying, by being happy that soo-won won't leave her? her father's memory? herself? hak, who she can't remember?
because, if he was in soo-won's picture, if he was important to him, and if he ended up staying with her, after all of that -
['nothing' is what he wants to say. but that's not true, is it? it's something, even if it's something that neither of them can truly acknowledge or admit to.]
.... you're welcome.
[a beat]
Thank you, as well.
[for being better than he is - for not wanting to discard him.
That's correct. The information I received is that sometime within the past few weeks, with the unaccounted for murders - Tiger's team earned one, Fox and Wolf supposedly reached two. But I received a conflicting report regarding Fox.
If your team has been told not to worry about it though... I will trust in that. As long as they are absolutely certain. I may speak with Wolf about the matter myself.
We are approaching a deadline to ensure everyone's revival - and so my first priority is to secure that, and then determine what our next steps afterward are.
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dawnblushed) wrote2020-09-25 09:42 pm
no subject
[it had been - easier, before, to not want to be with him.
when she wasn't seeing him so often, and all she had was her memories of him and her memories of what he did - it was so much easier to not miss him. but when he's here, when she sees him so often... when she's had so many chances to see him at his best, when they both didn't remember what he'd done -
it's so much harder.]
It might not be your place to suggest it, but if that's the case, it's not your place to decide you have to stay out of it, either. That should be my decision, shouldn't it?
no subject
the issue is: soo-won has had this conversation a few times here. around different topics, but with an awareness that he had made a choice in his life that put him and yona apart. that it was not his place to seek forgiveness, when he is the one who made everything go wrong. and yet it was posited to him - if yona were to insist on reconciliation, what would he do?
it's not his place to deny her that either.
but there is something genuinely - perplexed, wistful, almost uncertain whether or not he wants to hope.]
.... very well.
[even if it'll be more complicated when they go back to kouka, when he will be a king with responsibilities that will take him further away from her, but here....]
But if I may -
Why?
[why does she still wish to associate with him, even after knowing fully well what he's done?]
no subject
it's a simple enough question, isn't it? it should be simple to answer. you're important to me. that's true, no matter how complicated circumstances are between them. but it's those exact complications that keep her from just saying so.
why?
why can't she just hate him? wouldn't that be easier?]
...I don't know.
[...]
All I know is that... what happened... it hurt. Losing my father hurt, and... The thought of losing you hurts the same way.
Even if it's just for a short time, I don't want to lose you.
no subject
it was easier for him to understand when hak flew at him in a blind rage, seeking his head. it was easier for him to understand when the dragons in yona's care acted defensively, scorning him by default. it was simple when yona's hand reached for the sword at soo-won's hip, wanting to take his life.
isn't it so much more painful, to still care for the person who causes you pain?
(isn't that something he knows intimately? after years of facing il's coldness, but still unable to hate the man.)
but if that's what yona wants - ]
... then if that's what you desire -
[because it's what he wants to, what he so selfishly wants, what he has no right to admit to, is perhaps too vulnerable to put words to]
... I will stay with you.
no subject
and then, almost immediately, guilt surges through her. who is she betraying, by being happy that soo-won won't leave her? her father's memory? herself? hak, who she can't remember?
because, if he was in soo-won's picture, if he was important to him, and if he ended up staying with her, after all of that -
then it must have heart him deeply, too.]
...thank you.
no subject
['nothing' is what he wants to say. but that's not true, is it? it's something, even if it's something that neither of them can truly acknowledge or admit to.]
.... you're welcome.
[a beat]
Thank you, as well.
[for being better than he is - for not wanting to discard him.
(as if he ever wanted to let her go either.)]
no subject
[is this something he should thank her for? is this something she should have thanked him for?
she's... really not sure.
regardless - ]
You're welcome.
[...this is somewhere to start, at least.]
no subject
he just breathes in before sighing out then - ]
.... I've been told that Wolf has reached their two kills in order to meet the requirement to revive others on your team.
Do you know if this is true?
[back to business, as far as they can make it.
he tucks the photograph away, before he can let himself linger on the memory any longer]
no subject
[so she assumes that's a yes?]
I saw the icon blink once, so I know we have at least one. I haven't killed anyone, myself, but... there was that week when no one's blinked at all.
no subject
If your team has been told not to worry about it though... I will trust in that. As long as they are absolutely certain. I may speak with Wolf about the matter myself.
We are approaching a deadline to ensure everyone's revival - and so my first priority is to secure that, and then determine what our next steps afterward are.
no subject
...that makes sense. Whatever other steps we take, we need to make sure that everyone who ended up stuck here makes it back at the end of this.
no subject
It'll likely be dangerous this coming week.... so take care to be cautious.
Even if your team is secure, I don't want to risk anything if something happens to you.
no subject
[...]
I've been a little reckless so far, I guess, but I'm not planning on dying. I want to see this through to the end.
no subject
Then I'll trust in that. I'd had someone tell me that no one particularly 'plans' on dying but....
Well, I'd like to avoid it by all costs.
no subject
[she says, easily.]
...I'm a lot stronger than I used to be, after all.