[because she's angry, and he'd seen her work through some of that anger on the battlefield, but he's sure there's more. he's seen how absolutely livid hak gets - he remembers that now.
[ . . . there is a flicker of something complicated in his expression then -
( And if anyone can choose forgiveness and love, it's Yona. She has that kind of strength. So maybe you should hold onto that dream.
he never believed them then. he never believed anyone who suggested to him that reconciliation may be possible. that's good. he's not a child who really puts that much stake in dreams anymore, after all.)
- before it disappears as quickly as anything.]
Mm. That's true.
And I don't believe we have time here for me to be able to earn your forgiveness.
[even if he wanted to.
he's sure the price is high - and while he's willing to talk to her at her request, he doesn't think her forgiveness is something that he can prioritize in the time they have left when it's so far away]
she remembers the look on hak's face, whenever they came across soo-won. she remembers the churning, unpleasant feeling in her gut as she tried to figure out what she should do or how she should act when she saw his face. she remembers her father's blood on the floor, the weight of his lifeless body in her lap -
but she remembers soo-won's smile and his laugh, and it's not just from the past, either. she remembers the time they spent together here, before they remembered what happened.
it's complicated.]
I've grown enough to recognize that... most people would say it was necessary. [it doesn't sound like she's talking about what happened here. (she wasn't talking about what happened here, before.)] I know that much. But I can't say it's okay, and I can't...
My father is still gone. No matter what happens between us, that won't change.
[ . . . . soo-won nods at that, because it's true. and he doesn't hide away from it. he made a choice and he knew what the results entailed. he knew that even if she didn't find him, even if she didn't get caught in the violence of that night, he would have stolen away someone important to yona. important to hak.
he made a choice that hurt the people he loved, and he doesn't get to dispute it when he had all the time in the world to not make it.
even if it was necessary.
he takes another sip of his tea.]
It won't. Of course you love His Majesty Il, and cannot forgive the person who took him away. That's natural.
[people can't separate their feelings into a box - nor should they have to. soo-won learned to do it out of pure survival, out of duty and responsibility and -
he's always wanted a better life for yona than that.]
Though I think it scarred him so heavily that he never wanted to pick up another weapon again. He must've felt great regret all his life. In the end, he chose to love you with everything he had remaining and protect those within Hiryuu Castle.
I'm not sure if I ever forgave him or if he cared for how I felt... but I didn't think he was a bad person either.
[he sure was! but it's not like soo-won holds that opinion, because he's far too understanding for his own good.
so he just goes to sip on some tea instead.]
There isn't.
We only can assess situations and then make choices.
I wish I could provide you better answers, or reasoning... but I also believe that it is hard for words to ever make something seem 'worth it' when it is a matter as important as a loved one.
[not in the personal sense, anyway.
soo-won knows that, looking at the girl in front of him that he loved so dearly, but knew he would inevitably lose.]
the changes he made in the kingdom were wholly necessary. yona witnessed that for herself - just how many things did she go through after leaving the castle that were only as bad as they were because of her father's inaction?]
But... you don't owe me any sort of an explanation, anyway. I... know more, now. I've seen what Kouka is like outside the walls of Hiryuu Palace.
[ . . . he nods at that. he really doesn't believe words or explanation would be enough - it's not like someone would be inclined to believe what a murderer would say, after all.
but this is the result that they've ended up with. this was the only way he could think to save kouka - so he acted toward it, and he cannot look back.]
... then you know why I couldn't leave the situation as it was.
[even if the choice he made was violent.]
... I'm sure my consequences will come before long.
[he's sure that he'll meet his end at either her hand, or the clutch of the crimson dragon illness. and that will be the resolution of all the suffering he's imposed on all that he loved.]
[there was so much that needed to be done, and so many people who needed to be saved.
the kouka of now - it's better, under soo-won's rule. there isn't human trafficking in awa. in fact, much of the earth tribe has been revitalized. the nadai smugglers have been driven out of awa. there's no imminent threat of war from xing, and even the kai empire is going to have to think twice before trying to invade again, once all is said and done.
(because it's not just yona's group, there at the border. kye-sook had brought soldiers.)]
...I wanted you to be king, you know. I... I argued with my father about it.
he'd thought so. or rather, he'd entertained the thought for a moment before trying to dispel it. her crying face with her father's body in her arms, that she'd come to his room to try to convince him -
he places the tea cup down before his grip on it becomes too tight, too crushing.]
.... you wouldn't have convinced him.
He sent a letter to my mother. In it... he was adamant. That I could never be king.
Depending on the question, I might not be able to, given that I've returned to myself in my entirety and we will be returning home tomorrow.
[he has to think about the future, about being a king, and about the kingdom. he doubts that yona would ask him anything terribly precarious, or anything that might be impossible but.
Succession would have been a problem... though I believe regardless Kye-Sook likely would have put my name forward as king regardless to the Generals, as I possess more familiarity in weaponry and strategy, if nothing else. There could have been a suggestion of marriage to settle the worry of lineage, even if I also possess royal blood. Regardless, you and Hak would've been manipulated to distance yourselves from the throne and the truth.
[ . . . ]
It would be simpler if we were to kill you and then condemn Hak for the crime - that is not entirely different from what we had to suggest that night.
[but.
but?
can he admit this? there is a long pause where it seems as though he is done talking, because originally when they first came here, he would never breathe a word of this truth to her. would never have thought it within his rights, and would never want to imply just how much she means to him.
but it's different now.]
... but I -
[ . . . ]
Even if you know the truth, and hate me and can never forgive me for what I've stolen from you -
I would rather you both be alive and with each other.
[perhaps, in the end, they are the only people he cannot completely shut his heart to.]
yona has trouble imagining herself just accepting the distance, if kye-sook tried to force it between them. the person she was back then... she'd have been overjoyed at even the suggestion of a marriage to him, to solidify his claim to the thrown.
it hurts, a little, to know that he would have lied. that she wasn't the sort of person he could rely on -
but she wouldn't have even thought to try, if not for everything she's lived through for now.]
...I can't bring myself to hate you.
[her voice is very, very quiet.]
Not the way I feel like I should, when I think about everything that's happened.
.... it's alright if that changes, or if you suddenly can.
[he feels like - he can't be happy about that. he can't be happy that he might be shackling yona from truly being as angry as she should be. even if she hates him, he long prepared himself for it.
he thought.
someone told him that it can still hurt to lose someone, no matter how much you prepare for it.]
.... As long as you ultimately find happiness that none can take from you, anything is fine with me.
her life has been difficult, since her father died, since she ran away from the palace with hak.
but it's been fulfilling. she's been able to help people - to really help people, not just give them the occasional gift (or bribe) when they come to visit her. to make a difference in their lives in a positive way. when she thinks of that, it's easier to hold her head up high.
she's been able to meet all sorts of people that she might never have met, otherwise. the members of the wind tribe, lili, the princesses of xing -
yoon, the dragons...
when she thinks of them, and hak, and the time they've spent together... it makes her feel warm. not everything about their time together has been easy, but her memories of them are something that she treasures.
it's a miracle, isn't it? that she was able to meet them?]
...I can't thank you.
[she will never be able to thank him for what he did.]
But I also know, I never would have found it if I'd lived my whole life in Hiryuu Palace, never knowing anything of what the country was like outside of its walls.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dawnblushed) wrote2020-09-25 09:42 pm
no subject
no i kid. her grip does tighten on her teacup, though.]
I'm not going to attack you, Soo-won.
no subject
I wouldn't blame you if you did.
[because she's angry, and he'd seen her work through some of that anger on the battlefield, but he's sure there's more. he's seen how absolutely livid hak gets - he remembers that now.
yona has plenty that's in her right to feel.]
no subject
[...]
I don't think I have it in me to forgive you for what you did. But the results were...
[she sighs.]
...you didn't do it just to be cruel. You've never done any of it to be cruel.
no subject
( And if anyone can choose forgiveness and love, it's Yona. She has that kind of strength. So maybe you should hold onto that dream.
he never believed them then. he never believed anyone who suggested to him that reconciliation may be possible. that's good. he's not a child who really puts that much stake in dreams anymore, after all.)
- before it disappears as quickly as anything.]
Mm. That's true.
And I don't believe we have time here for me to be able to earn your forgiveness.
[even if he wanted to.
he's sure the price is high - and while he's willing to talk to her at her request, he doesn't think her forgiveness is something that he can prioritize in the time they have left when it's so far away]
no subject
she remembers the look on hak's face, whenever they came across soo-won. she remembers the churning, unpleasant feeling in her gut as she tried to figure out what she should do or how she should act when she saw his face. she remembers her father's blood on the floor, the weight of his lifeless body in her lap -
but she remembers soo-won's smile and his laugh, and it's not just from the past, either. she remembers the time they spent together here, before they remembered what happened.
it's complicated.]
I've grown enough to recognize that... most people would say it was necessary. [it doesn't sound like she's talking about what happened here. (she wasn't talking about what happened here, before.)] I know that much. But I can't say it's okay, and I can't...
My father is still gone. No matter what happens between us, that won't change.
no subject
he made a choice that hurt the people he loved, and he doesn't get to dispute it when he had all the time in the world to not make it.
even if it was necessary.
he takes another sip of his tea.]
It won't. Of course you love His Majesty Il, and cannot forgive the person who took him away. That's natural.
[people can't separate their feelings into a box - nor should they have to. soo-won learned to do it out of pure survival, out of duty and responsibility and -
he's always wanted a better life for yona than that.]
no subject
[yona sighs heavily.]
...but it must be the same for you, right? My father... what he did to your father, it...
no subject
before he nods, expression carefully neutral.]
Yes. His Majesty Il killed my father.
Though I think it scarred him so heavily that he never wanted to pick up another weapon again. He must've felt great regret all his life. In the end, he chose to love you with everything he had remaining and protect those within Hiryuu Castle.
I'm not sure if I ever forgave him or if he cared for how I felt... but I didn't think he was a bad person either.
no subject
...I wish things could have been different, but there isn't any way to change the past.
no subject
so he just goes to sip on some tea instead.]
There isn't.
We only can assess situations and then make choices.
I wish I could provide you better answers, or reasoning... but I also believe that it is hard for words to ever make something seem 'worth it' when it is a matter as important as a loved one.
[not in the personal sense, anyway.
soo-won knows that, looking at the girl in front of him that he loved so dearly, but knew he would inevitably lose.]
no subject
[so, he's right there.
but.
the changes he made in the kingdom were wholly necessary. yona witnessed that for herself - just how many things did she go through after leaving the castle that were only as bad as they were because of her father's inaction?]
But... you don't owe me any sort of an explanation, anyway. I... know more, now. I've seen what Kouka is like outside the walls of Hiryuu Palace.
[that's an easier explanation to accept.]
no subject
but this is the result that they've ended up with. this was the only way he could think to save kouka - so he acted toward it, and he cannot look back.]
... then you know why I couldn't leave the situation as it was.
[even if the choice he made was violent.]
... I'm sure my consequences will come before long.
[he's sure that he'll meet his end at either her hand, or the clutch of the crimson dragon illness. and that will be the resolution of all the suffering he's imposed on all that he loved.]
no subject
[there was so much that needed to be done, and so many people who needed to be saved.
the kouka of now - it's better, under soo-won's rule. there isn't human trafficking in awa. in fact, much of the earth tribe has been revitalized. the nadai smugglers have been driven out of awa. there's no imminent threat of war from xing, and even the kai empire is going to have to think twice before trying to invade again, once all is said and done.
(because it's not just yona's group, there at the border. kye-sook had brought soldiers.)]
...I wanted you to be king, you know. I... I argued with my father about it.
no subject
he'd thought so. or rather, he'd entertained the thought for a moment before trying to dispel it. her crying face with her father's body in her arms, that she'd come to his room to try to convince him -
he places the tea cup down before his grip on it becomes too tight, too crushing.]
.... you wouldn't have convinced him.
He sent a letter to my mother. In it... he was adamant. That I could never be king.
[ . . . ]
Thank you, for trying.
[for trying to save them from this mess.]
no subject
she's wondered it endlessly. hearing now that it never would have worked doesn't wash any of that away.]
...mm. I might not have. I don't think it's my mother that I got my stubbornness from.
[ha ha,
anyway.]
Soo-won, if I ask you something, will you be honest with me?
no subject
before sighing.]
Depending on the question, I might not be able to, given that I've returned to myself in my entirety and we will be returning home tomorrow.
[he has to think about the future, about being a king, and about the kingdom. he doubts that yona would ask him anything terribly precarious, or anything that might be impossible but.
he has to be cautious.
. . . even still - ]
Though I will try.
no subject
[she'll probably never get another chance to ask this, so.]
...if I'd stayed in my room that night, like I normally did... what would have happened?
[would she have been killed in her sleep?
or...?]
no subject
.... I likely would've kept lying to you.
Succession would have been a problem... though I believe regardless Kye-Sook likely would have put my name forward as king regardless to the Generals, as I possess more familiarity in weaponry and strategy, if nothing else. There could have been a suggestion of marriage to settle the worry of lineage, even if I also possess royal blood. Regardless, you and Hak would've been manipulated to distance yourselves from the throne and the truth.
[ . . . ]
It would be simpler if we were to kill you and then condemn Hak for the crime - that is not entirely different from what we had to suggest that night.
[but.
but?
can he admit this? there is a long pause where it seems as though he is done talking, because originally when they first came here, he would never breathe a word of this truth to her. would never have thought it within his rights, and would never want to imply just how much she means to him.
but it's different now.]
... but I -
[ . . . ]
Even if you know the truth, and hate me and can never forgive me for what I've stolen from you -
I would rather you both be alive and with each other.
[perhaps, in the end, they are the only people he cannot completely shut his heart to.]
gmail had the audacity to not give me this notif.
[so that's how it would have been.
yona has trouble imagining herself just accepting the distance, if kye-sook tried to force it between them. the person she was back then... she'd have been overjoyed at even the suggestion of a marriage to him, to solidify his claim to the thrown.
it hurts, a little, to know that he would have lied. that she wasn't the sort of person he could rely on -
but she wouldn't have even thought to try, if not for everything she's lived through for now.]
...I can't bring myself to hate you.
[her voice is very, very quiet.]
Not the way I feel like I should, when I think about everything that's happened.
GMAIL PLEASE
.... it's alright if that changes, or if you suddenly can.
[he feels like - he can't be happy about that. he can't be happy that he might be shackling yona from truly being as angry as she should be. even if she hates him, he long prepared himself for it.
he thought.
someone told him that it can still hurt to lose someone, no matter how much you prepare for it.]
.... As long as you ultimately find happiness that none can take from you, anything is fine with me.
[he meant it.
he'll always mean it.]
no subject
[she thinks she has, anyway.
her life has been difficult, since her father died, since she ran away from the palace with hak.
but it's been fulfilling. she's been able to help people - to really help people, not just give them the occasional gift (or bribe) when they come to visit her. to make a difference in their lives in a positive way. when she thinks of that, it's easier to hold her head up high.
she's been able to meet all sorts of people that she might never have met, otherwise. the members of the wind tribe, lili, the princesses of xing -
yoon, the dragons...
when she thinks of them, and hak, and the time they've spent together... it makes her feel warm. not everything about their time together has been easy, but her memories of them are something that she treasures.
it's a miracle, isn't it? that she was able to meet them?]
...I can't thank you.
[she will never be able to thank him for what he did.]
But I also know, I never would have found it if I'd lived my whole life in Hiryuu Palace, never knowing anything of what the country was like outside of its walls.