[ . . . there's just an exhale at that, gently amused - ]
Peppermint then. [and he'll guide her inside - his hand will seek hers, given that she didn't pull away from the touch, and guide her to a place to sit]
[tea is easy - he's made so many pots here, which is nice and nostalgic given how often people would normally make it for him. but peppermint tea it is, and the smell will probably alert yona it's done as he walks back
and places a cup in front of her before sitting beside her]
[yona is silent for a few long moments as she stares down at the tea, but then she brings it to her lips to sip at it as she thinks over how to answer him.]
...he couldn't even fight back.
[which isn't it, exactly, but it's the closest she can get to articulating it.]
And that was probably the point, but... it didn't feel like justice. It just felt like a slaughter. [...] And I didn't have any choice but to go along with it. I couldn't even stop myself from walking to him.
We didn't even have the option to imprison him - the Realm decided that blood needed to be spilled in order to right what happened to Hajime, even though we had no say in the matter.
[and soo-won isn't foolish.
he's of the opinion that it may have come to death anyway, in order to truly suppress the competitiveness that turned lethal. but he wanted it to be their choice, not their default.]
[yona frowns, her grip tightening on her cup of tea almost uncomfortably.]
It did turn out that he was the one who hurt Hajime. But he wasn't really suspected until the end. If someone else had gotten more votes, then... all of that probably would have still happened, just with the wrong person.
It's not even that the Realm wanted the blood of the culprit spilled. It could have been anyone's blood.
[...and there's something really, really messed up about that.]
[he nods in agreement with that - they were all under incorrect impressions, himself included. which is considerably frustrating, and he sighs even as he takes a sip of his own tea.]
Given that, it makes you wonder if justice is truly in the Realm's interest, or only violence.
While I believe that it's important to discern the truth of matters like that, the rushed nature of it and limited time for investigation make it as Archer said - a game.
If it was justice we were supposed to be after, why would there be a time limit? If the goal was for us to find out who did it and only hold them responsible for it, you'd think we'd have been able to investigate until we found the truth, for however long it took.
[so. yeah. soo-won and archer are right - it definitely feels like a game.]
...people's lives aren't something to be played with.
...but it's soo-won, so even though the expression on yona's face practically screams "i want to go shake some answers out of the realm," she just nods.]
I will. ...I won't be of any use if I wear myself out now.
... you're always of use, Yona. You needn't do anything more than be yourself for that. But it's not a matter of being useful or not.
If anything, you were taxed in a way that no one else was today. So if anything, you should be able to catch your breath while the rest of us catch up to you in terms of effort.
I'll work twice as hard today - for both of us. So you can recover.
[sir you were in great pain like 24 hours ago. don't give her that.]
...I wasted sixteen years of my life just relaxing when there were people I never even knew about who needed help. I don't want to be that person again.
[so, she'll relax.
but not for very long. she was fairly useless as a princess - there was so much going on that she never even knew about, and "nobody told me" only goes so far. as a member of the royal family, she should have at least tried, no matter how her father tried to pamper and protect her.]
[ . . . . it's not as though she's wrong. for all that soo-won did love king il and princess yona, they were not the leadership that the country needed. those in hiryuu castle never knew what was happening outside the bounds of their walls.
even still.]
.... I liked that person, too. You were happy, weren't you? So is that time truly a waste?
[which is perhaps dangerous to admit, when they both don't know what is missing between them but.]
And you are admirable as you are now, as well.
[he sips his tea]
While how much you know has changed.... I do not believe it to be in your character to ignore the suffering that you witness. I don't think you'll become complacent, or unmoving, if you take time to rest.
You're never been that person.
[which is.
what sets her apart from her father, as far as soo-won's concerned.]
[how different could things have been if she and her father had both been more aware, she wonders?
(and how much of it had her father been aware of, and simply turned a blind eye to, believing that it would get better without his intervention? she doesn't want to think it of him, but it's hard to understand how there are so many things they hadn't known about.)]
I could have been happy while helping others, though. It didn't have to be either or, but it was.
[maybe she could have been even happier. her life now isn't easy, but it's fulfilling. how much more of a difference could she have made with this kind of resolve and the resources she'd taken for granted...?]
...thank you. For saying that.
[she thinks it's true. if someone had been suffering in front of her, even back then, she can't imagine closing her eyes and not acknowledging it.
but she could have done more, back then. she wants to do more, now.]
I want to be someone that you and Hak can be proud of... I want to be someone that Father could have been proud of, too.
[the fact of the matter is that soo-won is pretty sure that as long as yona has the four dragons in her possession, that's good enough for her dad. he doesn't say this, because it's not like he goes out of his way to upset people?
as for the rest:]
I am proud of you. [he seems a little surprised that she feels like he's not] Had I forgotten to say as much?
[admittedly he feels like there's a lot that he's forgetting that's making it complicated but,,]
As long as you're safe, I'm sure Hak is proud of you, too. But you know how bad he can be about saying it. He's rather indirect that way.
And I'm sure that your Father.... looks after only your greatest happiness - so as long as you keep reaching for it, it should be enough for him. [happiness and the dragons. he still doesn't say it.
he'll reach out to rest his hand over the back of hers, a gentle touch]
You needn't be so hard on yourself, Yona. Let your kindness move your feet forward, rather than your guilt.
why is it, that every time she recalls encountering soo-won in kouka, it doesn't feel like a happy memory? if he was proud of her, shouldn't it have been? what is it that they can't remember?
what's wrong?
she keeps one hand where it is, so that soo-won's hand can rest over it, but sets her cup down so she can rub at her head with the other.]
I'll keep working hard. And I'll be more cheerful tomorrow, I promise.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dawnblushed) wrote2020-09-25 09:42 pm
no subject
[and the fact that it doesn't feel right is...
well. that's concerning in and of itself.]
...water would be good. [she takes a breath.] ...or tea. If Yoon was here, he'd suggest peppermint, I think. To stop nausea before it starts.
no subject
Peppermint then. [and he'll guide her inside - his hand will seek hers, given that she didn't pull away from the touch, and guide her to a place to sit]
Wait a few moments, and I'll be back.
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[she holds onto his hand as he leads her somewhere to sit, and she sinks down easily once they've found it. okay. breathe. she just needs to breathe.
...she's killed before. it's hard to put her finger on why this is bothering her so much, now. she should be used to it.]
no subject
and places a cup in front of her before sitting beside her]
... what is on your mind?
no subject
...he couldn't even fight back.
[which isn't it, exactly, but it's the closest she can get to articulating it.]
And that was probably the point, but... it didn't feel like justice. It just felt like a slaughter. [...] And I didn't have any choice but to go along with it. I couldn't even stop myself from walking to him.
no subject
We didn't even have the option to imprison him - the Realm decided that blood needed to be spilled in order to right what happened to Hajime, even though we had no say in the matter.
[and soo-won isn't foolish.
he's of the opinion that it may have come to death anyway, in order to truly suppress the competitiveness that turned lethal. but he wanted it to be their choice, not their default.]
They stole your will from you.
no subject
[yona frowns, her grip tightening on her cup of tea almost uncomfortably.]
It did turn out that he was the one who hurt Hajime. But he wasn't really suspected until the end. If someone else had gotten more votes, then... all of that probably would have still happened, just with the wrong person.
It's not even that the Realm wanted the blood of the culprit spilled. It could have been anyone's blood.
[...and there's something really, really messed up about that.]
no subject
Given that, it makes you wonder if justice is truly in the Realm's interest, or only violence.
While I believe that it's important to discern the truth of matters like that, the rushed nature of it and limited time for investigation make it as Archer said - a game.
no subject
[so. yeah. soo-won and archer are right - it definitely feels like a game.]
...people's lives aren't something to be played with.
no subject
[of that much, they're in agreement with. there's no need to be doing this]
... but do take time to rest before we start seeking more answers.
[because they will!
but also yona just got forced against her will to kill someone so. soo-won is also acknowledging this]
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...but it's soo-won, so even though the expression on yona's face practically screams "i want to go shake some answers out of the realm," she just nods.]
I will. ...I won't be of any use if I wear myself out now.
no subject
... you're always of use, Yona. You needn't do anything more than be yourself for that. But it's not a matter of being useful or not.
If anything, you were taxed in a way that no one else was today. So if anything, you should be able to catch your breath while the rest of us catch up to you in terms of effort.
I'll work twice as hard today - for both of us. So you can recover.
no subject
...I wasted sixteen years of my life just relaxing when there were people I never even knew about who needed help. I don't want to be that person again.
[so, she'll relax.
but not for very long. she was fairly useless as a princess - there was so much going on that she never even knew about, and "nobody told me" only goes so far. as a member of the royal family, she should have at least tried, no matter how her father tried to pamper and protect her.]
no subject
even still.]
.... I liked that person, too. You were happy, weren't you? So is that time truly a waste?
[which is perhaps dangerous to admit, when they both don't know what is missing between them but.]
And you are admirable as you are now, as well.
[he sips his tea]
While how much you know has changed.... I do not believe it to be in your character to ignore the suffering that you witness. I don't think you'll become complacent, or unmoving, if you take time to rest.
You're never been that person.
[which is.
what sets her apart from her father, as far as soo-won's concerned.]
no subject
(and how much of it had her father been aware of, and simply turned a blind eye to, believing that it would get better without his intervention? she doesn't want to think it of him, but it's hard to understand how there are so many things they hadn't known about.)]
I could have been happy while helping others, though. It didn't have to be either or, but it was.
[maybe she could have been even happier. her life now isn't easy, but it's fulfilling. how much more of a difference could she have made with this kind of resolve and the resources she'd taken for granted...?]
...thank you. For saying that.
[she thinks it's true. if someone had been suffering in front of her, even back then, she can't imagine closing her eyes and not acknowledging it.
but she could have done more, back then. she wants to do more, now.]
I want to be someone that you and Hak can be proud of... I want to be someone that Father could have been proud of, too.
no subject
as for the rest:]
I am proud of you. [he seems a little surprised that she feels like he's not] Had I forgotten to say as much?
[admittedly he feels like there's a lot that he's forgetting that's making it complicated but,,]
As long as you're safe, I'm sure Hak is proud of you, too. But you know how bad he can be about saying it. He's rather indirect that way.
And I'm sure that your Father.... looks after only your greatest happiness - so as long as you keep reaching for it, it should be enough for him. [happiness and the dragons. he still doesn't say it.
he'll reach out to rest his hand over the back of hers, a gentle touch]
You needn't be so hard on yourself, Yona. Let your kindness move your feet forward, rather than your guilt.
no subject
[her memories just... don't make sense.
why is it, that every time she recalls encountering soo-won in kouka, it doesn't feel like a happy memory? if he was proud of her, shouldn't it have been? what is it that they can't remember?
what's wrong?
she keeps one hand where it is, so that soo-won's hand can rest over it, but sets her cup down so she can rub at her head with the other.]
I'll keep working hard. And I'll be more cheerful tomorrow, I promise.