it actually looks like the bites have gotten worse, somehow. yona's in the process of re-bandaging her legs. one is still wrapped in the old bandages, but the other is halfway wrapped in new ones, and...
...the bites look a lot more like gross, pus-filled welts now.
I lost sight of you during the pirate attack. [but he wasn't that worried given that he's pretty sure she went with a group] Where did you go?
[but once he has the supplies, he will go to approach her and once they're within the foot of distance -
she'll feel it. the combination of concern and affection that he wears so easily when he's around her, no matter the static thrum of uncertainty that exists in the background]
I went to the fort with Xie Lian, Hilda, and Yoshizawa... what about you?
[...ah.
she look up, briefly startled by exactly what he's feeling, but - it's not actually all that surprising. the concern is echoed back to him just as strongly as her affection for him, which is... well, it's not as intense as it would have been back in the day, but as complicated as it is, it's still strong.
there's a small amount of uncertainty, and then - frustration with herself, for being uncertain! she really hates not remembering things!! why was she so out of sorts, when they first met the day they arrive here? it's still nagging at her, and it's obvious.]
Well... I began at the pub with Shigeo, Archer, and Ange. However we quickly were split up when Shigeo was kidnapped - though he ultimately didn't need my help after all.
[and there they are - the notes of amusement and pride over mob's success that come along with that. he'll be careful and sparing when he tries to help her clean her injuries, offering only the lightest and briefest of touches in hopes to give her nothing more than a faint sense of static.]
[...but as soo-won said - ultimately, he hadn't needed help. that sinks in, and the deep concern slowly ebbs away.
she winces a few times at the static, but - she's tough. she can handle it. a year ago, she might have balked, but the very light shocks are nothing, comparatively.
they'll get the welts cleaned and bandaged, between the two of them.]
...I've been trying not to think about it too much, but... I keep thinking about memories. Or, well... the things I don't remember.
and there are notes of apology every time she winces, a hurt that he seems to feel too, a guilt from hurting her. it's not as though he wants to, but -
sometimes it's about what's necessary.
he thinks about that again as she speaks.]
.... we still haven't been able to quite pinpoint what it is that we forgot, have we?
[though.... yona will feel it. the odd warring sensation inside soo-won, as though he wants to end his sentence there. and yet there is something that seems to compel him further]
.... I've been thinking about it, too.
And I wonder if... it had something to do with what was happening outside the castle.
I think I know what at least one of the things I forgot is.
[well. kind of, anyway. soo-won will get the sense that yona is really, really not sure if she should explain, or if she should ask any more questions.]
Someone... asked me about my family. And - and, of course, it made me think about the night my father died. [she shivers.] ...I can't remember if I ever told you. But, that night... I found my father. And, I think whoever did it was going to kill me, too, because... I had to run.
[she bites her lip.]
...I got out of the palace, somehow. And I've gotten stronger since then, but... I know I wasn't strong enough then to escape without help. I know one of the servants... pretended to be me to draw them off, but I was in shock, and the next thing I can remember, they were taking care of me in Fuuga.
the longer she speaks, the slower his movements get - and normally soo-won is able to maintain a smile in almost every situation. yet as she explains, she'll feel the slow, slow creep of dread that seems to spread through his veins. the way that his heart aches in both worry and concern -
[from the question alone, yona knows that it should.
soo-won wouldn't ask something like that for no reason. she knows he wouldn't. but... she doesn't know that name. she tries to think back - her brow furrows, as she wracks her brain for it -
at this point, there's no surprise. he's not shocked by this, but there is still something... almost wistful in his feelings. like he's holding onto something that's getting further and further out of reach.]
... they gave me a doll of him. Do you have one? Or does yours look like someone else? [a beat] ... I'm going to give you mine, alright? So you know that he's always with you, even if it's a little hard to remember.
[ . . . ]
We grew up with him. The first day that we met again in the castle gardens - it's when Hak was visiting for a Five Tribes meeting. Just before we went back to play, your mother took ahold of his arm and said, "Take care of Yona, okay?"
.... I think your father assigned him as your attendant, and I was so bitterly jealous. [there's a little bit of amusement at that] Because I wanted to have Hak, too.
I'll... hold onto memories of him for both of us, alright? Though I think... you must have more memories of him than I do.
Even still - he's someone who loves you very much. Someone who would risk his life for you without hesitation, every time.
[and with that comes... a feeling of heartache.
like soo-won wishes he could get to have some of that relationship with them, too.]
he isn't lying. soo-won would never, ever lie about something this important - even if she couldn't feel exactly how he's feeling right now, she would know that. it's obvious, just by listening to him, just by watching his face.
yona's heart sinks. she wishes she could do something to ease some of that heartache he's feeling - and she wishes that she could remember this person. someone like that, who would do so much for her, who apparently loves her enough that even soo-won is sure he would risk his life for her... someone who her mother would have told to take care of her, so many years ago...
how could she just forget him?]
...I don't understand...
[what is this place doing to them?]
That's - someone like that, he should be impossible to forget, shouldn't he...?
that is the feeling that yona gets first. the sense that soo-won's hear twists a little at the idea that maybe her doll is of him - and then he puts it away in a box, somewhere far from reach. there's no need to think about what it means.
instead, it's time to focus on this.]
.... mm. I think so. [his voice is soft] But it seems as though this place does not care for what is meant to be impossible.
Even if you don't remember Hak... maybe if you can remember the legacy of the Thunder Beast - that's his other popular name.
[ . . . ]
Whatever it is that you want to know about him - I can do my best to answer. But.... even if you can't recall him, or his face - I think you deserve to know that he would do anything for your happiness.
I think... even I would be able to rest easier if he was here.
[even if something in his heart pangs with pain and anguish at that exact moment - he is the only one - he moves to finish bandaging her on one side.]
really, she does. she thinks back, trying to draw up any kind of memory involving "hak," or a "thunder beast," or of someone who was close to both her and soo-won, when they were children.
nothing. even when she tries to think of that day in the garden, she can't remember her mother entrusting her to anyone at all. her heart tightens uncomfortably, and she rests her chin on her knees, wishing she could remember.]
I'm sorry. [clearly, whoever hak is, he's important to soo-won, too.] I wish he was here.
He wouldn't have let you go charging out by yourself if he was here, I know that much. There's some part of him that always wants to be at your side, given that he was assigned at your atttendant.
... and perhaps - even more than that. Someone who always cherished your safety and happiness.
[because that's what's most important - that hak be someone who can protect yona. even when soo-won knew that a future may come that they wouldn't be at his side... that was his request.]
... I'll do my best in his place, as long as I'm here. I'm afraid I'm a pale comparison of a replacement - but I owe him at least this much.
Soo-won, you can't. [which. it hurts her to say that - he'll feel that it hurts her - even though it also makes her really, really happy to hear him say it.] You're the king. Kouka needs you.
If anything, I... should be doing my best to look after you, instead.
.... rather than making promises of who might die for each other - shouldn't we try to live together instead?
[because something feels wrong. something feels so entirely wrong at the idea of yona going out of her way to protect him. the idea of her looking after him because of his standing and his status....
he doesn't dislike anything - and yet... he feels as though he might truly hate that.]
You are the only person who knows what it means for me to be the king of Kouka here. You know how important it is for me to get back.
... but I think - you don't understand how important it is for you to return as well.
[because no matter what, no matter what his memories say, or how confusing some pieces may be -
the truth is that he never wished to see her harmed.]
[dana i swear to god if soo-won turns up dead tomorrow i'll end you.]
I like that better.
[he'll feel her relax slightly - she does, in fact, like the idea of both of them surviving much better than the idea of either of them dying. she certainly doesn't want to see him die for her sake.
...but she doesn't want to see him die, period. she doesn't want to lose him. she is so, so sick of losing people who are important to her, and if anything - you're the king so you have to live is just an appeal to logic, because you have to live because you're important to me seems like something that would get locked into the same box as whatever he felt when she almost let it slip that the doll she received looks like him.]
I want to live. I don't... I won't let anyone take my life. [she looks up at him.] But I won't let them take yours, either, if there's anything that I can do about it.
..... I don't intend on going easily either. There are still things that I must do, and I'm afraid that I can't be pulled away from Kouka until I accomplish them.
[he offers a soft smile and offers - ]
To make the country strong enough so that it won't be invaded... that's all I wish to do. That reminds me that I need to return sooner rather than later.
... but for as long as we're here, I don't intend on letting go of you so easily either.
[whether it be for hak or himself - in a way that is selfish, that wants to be next to someone who knows him as soo-won and not as his majesty....
...I always thought you would make a wonderful king.
[granted, part of that was because she just wanted soo-won at her side, but -
he's a good leader. he draws people to him, and finds ways for them to work together. he thinks about the big picture, always, and does what he can for the people who are under his care.]
And... since I left the palace, I've been able to see the ways that your leadership has been helping people. [she fiddles with the hem of her sleeves.] I don't really understand some of the things I can remember, and... I don't know what it is that I've forgotten, but...
I think if there's anyone who can make our country that strong... it's you. And I hope, when we go back, that there are things I'll be able to do to support the country, too.
[ . . . . if they're to talk about this, soo-won can't help but think - ]
... you brought the iza seeds to the Fire Tribe, didn't you? From Kai. [his voice is soft, questioning. as if it's a secret that he has to keep from others, even though the rest of his court isn't here] A crop that can grow even in difficult climates, which will allow the Fire Tribe to be able to improve its agriculture and for there to be less famine, coupled with the leadership of Lord Tae-Jun.
[ . . . there's just a soft noise of amusement, and she can feel the fondness that comes from him. the slight awe and admiration - weaker, but present still.]
During the negotiations with Li Hazara... we were able to regain that village at the border, so that they could continue to share their techniques with the Fire Tribe.
You're good friends with Lady Lili, as well. They discussed your successes at Awa to the point that it reached even my ears. I...
[ . . . ]
I do what I can from the throne - but you touch the people without it.
For what you have accomplished already... I do not want you to think that they are not already worthy of praise or notice, even if... I am not always in a position where I can acknowledge them.
[even when they are outside of this place, when the palace walls have eyes and ears, he has to pretend like he doesn't care or doesn't know.
[should she admit this? what's he going to do if he knows now - have her arrested? there's little he (or anyone) can do to her at this point, anyway; even if they were to go back immediately, he would most likely be in the palace (at a different time from her, even), and she would be...
well, she's just not going to think about the fire. it's fine.]
I've just been doing what I can. [it wasn't just her who brought back the iza seeds, and it wasn't just her who was able to get them planted in the fire tribe. tae-jun had grown, and maybe a part of it was because of the time he spent with her and her friends, but he'd ultimately been the one to take those steps himself.] And I'm glad to hear that it's been working out.
[some things she's done have been more impactful than others. her friendship with lili had grown out of a lot of danger, but the results had been mostly good. and then, in xing...]
...I've been thinking a lot about it, since I left the palace. There are things that just can't be done when you're behind those walls. And... you can't just leave to go take care of them whenever you want to, because there are people who are counting on you to be there.
[...]
If there are things I can do outside of the palace, and things that you can do inside of it... even if the path we walked to get here has been painful, it's what's best for Kouka, isn't it? This way, we've both been able to do our part to protect the kingdom we love.
[ . . . . . there's a bit of a soft smile at that as he listens to her - becomes aware of the way that she's grown since they were children. and so quickly at that. even though it seems like there were circumstances that led to it, he can't help but think....]
.... I liked the Princess Yona who would happily offer pears and fruits to try to make up for her funny demands very much. I thought that you would always try to help people if you got the chance to, and you wanted them to help you too. It was such an idyllic existence and visiting the castle always made me feel like I was entering a dream.
[ . . . ]
You - may not remember because you were so small... but in my childhood I would always go to play outside the castle walls, in the city, even though some would call it dangerous or dirty. Because of what you're saying -
There are some things that can only be accomplished on the throne. There are some things that can only be accomplished off of it.
I think that you are impressive as you are, too. Offering iza seeds and arrows instead of pears and fruits.
[and yet - there it is, a twist of selfishness. of saying things. because at the end of the day, soo-won returns to the castle where yona grew up, and she remains with her comrades and hak. neither of them find their ideals, because he doesn't doubt that she wishes she could have her home back, just as he wishes he could be with his most cherished people.
the people who saw him as soo-won, and not as king.]
.... I'm not sure if it's what is best for Kouka - I walk forward with that intention in mind, with a goal to serve the kingdom so that it can be strong enough to never be invaded.
But I think that we are simply two people doing the best that we can, with the circumstances that we have.
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dawnblushed) wrote2020-09-25 09:42 pm
no subject
it actually looks like the bites have gotten worse, somehow. yona's in the process of re-bandaging her legs. one is still wrapped in the old bandages, but the other is halfway wrapped in new ones, and...
...the bites look a lot more like gross, pus-filled welts now.
she is carefully looking away.]
...sure.
no subject
Yona...
[is all he says before he's going to actually go pull some items from the cabinet to clean her injuries before rewrapping them girl please]
no subject
[well
running around yesterday didn't help.]
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[but once he has the supplies, he will go to approach her and once they're within the foot of distance -
she'll feel it. the combination of concern and affection that he wears so easily when he's around her, no matter the static thrum of uncertainty that exists in the background]
no subject
[...ah.
she look up, briefly startled by exactly what he's feeling, but - it's not actually all that surprising. the concern is echoed back to him just as strongly as her affection for him, which is... well, it's not as intense as it would have been back in the day, but as complicated as it is, it's still strong.
there's a small amount of uncertainty, and then - frustration with herself, for being uncertain! she really hates not remembering things!! why was she so out of sorts, when they first met the day they arrive here? it's still nagging at her, and it's obvious.]
no subject
[and there they are - the notes of amusement and pride over mob's success that come along with that. he'll be careful and sparing when he tries to help her clean her injuries, offering only the lightest and briefest of touches in hopes to give her nothing more than a faint sense of static.]
.... something on your mind?
[he can guess
but he'll be polite and ask]
1/2
[SHIGEO. well, soo-won's going to feel DEEP CONCERN rolling off of her in waves!! shigeo please!!]
2/2
she winces a few times at the static, but - she's tough. she can handle it. a year ago, she might have balked, but the very light shocks are nothing, comparatively.
they'll get the welts cleaned and bandaged, between the two of them.]
...I've been trying not to think about it too much, but... I keep thinking about memories. Or, well... the things I don't remember.
no subject
and there are notes of apology every time she winces, a hurt that he seems to feel too, a guilt from hurting her. it's not as though he wants to, but -
sometimes it's about what's necessary.
he thinks about that again as she speaks.]
.... we still haven't been able to quite pinpoint what it is that we forgot, have we?
[though.... yona will feel it. the odd warring sensation inside soo-won, as though he wants to end his sentence there. and yet there is something that seems to compel him further]
.... I've been thinking about it, too.
And I wonder if... it had something to do with what was happening outside the castle.
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[well. kind of, anyway. soo-won will get the sense that yona is really, really not sure if she should explain, or if she should ask any more questions.]
Someone... asked me about my family. And - and, of course, it made me think about the night my father died. [she shivers.] ...I can't remember if I ever told you. But, that night... I found my father. And, I think whoever did it was going to kill me, too, because... I had to run.
[she bites her lip.]
...I got out of the palace, somehow. And I've gotten stronger since then, but... I know I wasn't strong enough then to escape without help. I know one of the servants... pretended to be me to draw them off, but I was in shock, and the next thing I can remember, they were taking care of me in Fuuga.
Someone must have helped me escape, but...
[...she doesn't know who.
and, obviously, that bothers her.]
no subject
the longer she speaks, the slower his movements get - and normally soo-won is able to maintain a smile in almost every situation. yet as she explains, she'll feel the slow, slow creep of dread that seems to spread through his veins. the way that his heart aches in both worry and concern -
and a deep, pervasive sense of loss.]
... Yona.
Does the name... 'Hak' mean anything to you?
no subject
soo-won wouldn't ask something like that for no reason. she knows he wouldn't. but... she doesn't know that name. she tries to think back - her brow furrows, as she wracks her brain for it -
but... nothing.
after a few long moments, she shakes her head.]
No...
no subject
at this point, there's no surprise. he's not shocked by this, but there is still something... almost wistful in his feelings. like he's holding onto something that's getting further and further out of reach.]
... they gave me a doll of him. Do you have one? Or does yours look like someone else? [a beat] ... I'm going to give you mine, alright? So you know that he's always with you, even if it's a little hard to remember.
[ . . . ]
We grew up with him. The first day that we met again in the castle gardens - it's when Hak was visiting for a Five Tribes meeting. Just before we went back to play, your mother took ahold of his arm and said, "Take care of Yona, okay?"
.... I think your father assigned him as your attendant, and I was so bitterly jealous. [there's a little bit of amusement at that] Because I wanted to have Hak, too.
I'll... hold onto memories of him for both of us, alright? Though I think... you must have more memories of him than I do.
Even still - he's someone who loves you very much. Someone who would risk his life for you without hesitation, every time.
[and with that comes... a feeling of heartache.
like soo-won wishes he could get to have some of that relationship with them, too.]
no subject
[...how could she ever forget someone like that?
he isn't lying. soo-won would never, ever lie about something this important - even if she couldn't feel exactly how he's feeling right now, she would know that. it's obvious, just by listening to him, just by watching his face.
yona's heart sinks. she wishes she could do something to ease some of that heartache he's feeling - and she wishes that she could remember this person. someone like that, who would do so much for her, who apparently loves her enough that even soo-won is sure he would risk his life for her... someone who her mother would have told to take care of her, so many years ago...
how could she just forget him?]
...I don't understand...
[what is this place doing to them?]
That's - someone like that, he should be impossible to forget, shouldn't he...?
no subject
that is the feeling that yona gets first. the sense that soo-won's hear twists a little at the idea that maybe her doll is of him - and then he puts it away in a box, somewhere far from reach. there's no need to think about what it means.
instead, it's time to focus on this.]
.... mm. I think so. [his voice is soft] But it seems as though this place does not care for what is meant to be impossible.
Even if you don't remember Hak... maybe if you can remember the legacy of the Thunder Beast - that's his other popular name.
[ . . . ]
Whatever it is that you want to know about him - I can do my best to answer. But.... even if you can't recall him, or his face - I think you deserve to know that he would do anything for your happiness.
I think... even I would be able to rest easier if he was here.
[even if something in his heart pangs with pain and anguish at that exact moment - he is the only one - he moves to finish bandaging her on one side.]
no subject
really, she does. she thinks back, trying to draw up any kind of memory involving "hak," or a "thunder beast," or of someone who was close to both her and soo-won, when they were children.
nothing. even when she tries to think of that day in the garden, she can't remember her mother entrusting her to anyone at all. her heart tightens uncomfortably, and she rests her chin on her knees, wishing she could remember.]
I'm sorry. [clearly, whoever hak is, he's important to soo-won, too.] I wish he was here.
[i wish he was here to support you.]
no subject
He wouldn't have let you go charging out by yourself if he was here, I know that much. There's some part of him that always wants to be at your side, given that he was assigned at your atttendant.
... and perhaps - even more than that. Someone who always cherished your safety and happiness.
[because that's what's most important - that hak be someone who can protect yona. even when soo-won knew that a future may come that they wouldn't be at his side... that was his request.]
... I'll do my best in his place, as long as I'm here. I'm afraid I'm a pale comparison of a replacement - but I owe him at least this much.
no subject
[she shakes her head.]
Soo-won, you can't. [which. it hurts her to say that - he'll feel that it hurts her - even though it also makes her really, really happy to hear him say it.] You're the king. Kouka needs you.
If anything, I... should be doing my best to look after you, instead.
no subject
and yet.]
.... rather than making promises of who might die for each other - shouldn't we try to live together instead?
[because something feels wrong. something feels so entirely wrong at the idea of yona going out of her way to protect him. the idea of her looking after him because of his standing and his status....
he doesn't dislike anything - and yet... he feels as though he might truly hate that.]
You are the only person who knows what it means for me to be the king of Kouka here. You know how important it is for me to get back.
... but I think - you don't understand how important it is for you to return as well.
[because no matter what, no matter what his memories say, or how confusing some pieces may be -
the truth is that he never wished to see her harmed.]
no subject
I like that better.
[he'll feel her relax slightly - she does, in fact, like the idea of both of them surviving much better than the idea of either of them dying. she certainly doesn't want to see him die for her sake.
...but she doesn't want to see him die, period. she doesn't want to lose him. she is so, so sick of losing people who are important to her, and if anything - you're the king so you have to live is just an appeal to logic, because you have to live because you're important to me seems like something that would get locked into the same box as whatever he felt when she almost let it slip that the doll she received looks like him.]
I want to live. I don't... I won't let anyone take my life. [she looks up at him.] But I won't let them take yours, either, if there's anything that I can do about it.
no subject
..... I don't intend on going easily either. There are still things that I must do, and I'm afraid that I can't be pulled away from Kouka until I accomplish them.
[he offers a soft smile and offers - ]
To make the country strong enough so that it won't be invaded... that's all I wish to do. That reminds me that I need to return sooner rather than later.
... but for as long as we're here, I don't intend on letting go of you so easily either.
[whether it be for hak or himself - in a way that is selfish, that wants to be next to someone who knows him as soo-won and not as his majesty....
that's harder to say.]
no subject
...I always thought you would make a wonderful king.
[granted, part of that was because she just wanted soo-won at her side, but -
he's a good leader. he draws people to him, and finds ways for them to work together. he thinks about the big picture, always, and does what he can for the people who are under his care.]
And... since I left the palace, I've been able to see the ways that your leadership has been helping people. [she fiddles with the hem of her sleeves.] I don't really understand some of the things I can remember, and... I don't know what it is that I've forgotten, but...
I think if there's anyone who can make our country that strong... it's you. And I hope, when we go back, that there are things I'll be able to do to support the country, too.
no subject
... you brought the iza seeds to the Fire Tribe, didn't you? From Kai. [his voice is soft, questioning. as if it's a secret that he has to keep from others, even though the rest of his court isn't here] A crop that can grow even in difficult climates, which will allow the Fire Tribe to be able to improve its agriculture and for there to be less famine, coupled with the leadership of Lord Tae-Jun.
[ . . . there's just a soft noise of amusement, and she can feel the fondness that comes from him. the slight awe and admiration - weaker, but present still.]
During the negotiations with Li Hazara... we were able to regain that village at the border, so that they could continue to share their techniques with the Fire Tribe.
You're good friends with Lady Lili, as well. They discussed your successes at Awa to the point that it reached even my ears. I...
[ . . . ]
I do what I can from the throne - but you touch the people without it.
For what you have accomplished already... I do not want you to think that they are not already worthy of praise or notice, even if... I am not always in a position where I can acknowledge them.
[even when they are outside of this place, when the palace walls have eyes and ears, he has to pretend like he doesn't care or doesn't know.
when the truth is everything but.]
no subject
well, she's just not going to think about the fire. it's fine.]
I've just been doing what I can. [it wasn't just her who brought back the iza seeds, and it wasn't just her who was able to get them planted in the fire tribe. tae-jun had grown, and maybe a part of it was because of the time he spent with her and her friends, but he'd ultimately been the one to take those steps himself.] And I'm glad to hear that it's been working out.
[some things she's done have been more impactful than others. her friendship with lili had grown out of a lot of danger, but the results had been mostly good. and then, in xing...]
...I've been thinking a lot about it, since I left the palace. There are things that just can't be done when you're behind those walls. And... you can't just leave to go take care of them whenever you want to, because there are people who are counting on you to be there.
[...]
If there are things I can do outside of the palace, and things that you can do inside of it... even if the path we walked to get here has been painful, it's what's best for Kouka, isn't it? This way, we've both been able to do our part to protect the kingdom we love.
no subject
.... I liked the Princess Yona who would happily offer pears and fruits to try to make up for her funny demands very much. I thought that you would always try to help people if you got the chance to, and you wanted them to help you too. It was such an idyllic existence and visiting the castle always made me feel like I was entering a dream.
[ . . . ]
You - may not remember because you were so small... but in my childhood I would always go to play outside the castle walls, in the city, even though some would call it dangerous or dirty. Because of what you're saying -
There are some things that can only be accomplished on the throne. There are some things that can only be accomplished off of it.
I think that you are impressive as you are, too. Offering iza seeds and arrows instead of pears and fruits.
[and yet - there it is, a twist of selfishness. of saying things. because at the end of the day, soo-won returns to the castle where yona grew up, and she remains with her comrades and hak. neither of them find their ideals, because he doesn't doubt that she wishes she could have her home back, just as he wishes he could be with his most cherished people.
the people who saw him as soo-won, and not as king.]
.... I'm not sure if it's what is best for Kouka - I walk forward with that intention in mind, with a goal to serve the kingdom so that it can be strong enough to never be invaded.
But I think that we are simply two people doing the best that we can, with the circumstances that we have.
[and that is their humanity.
not their divine right.]
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